Catie Clark

REGIONAL- The recent news that the Diocese of Duluth is seeking the beatification of Monsignor Joseph Buh (1833-1922) is welcome in Ely, especially since Buh was the pastor of St. Anthony of Padua Church for 21 years. Buh founded 57 Roman Catholic parishes in northeast Minnesota and was the founding Vicar General of the Duluth diocese.
“We could not be prouder of Monsignor Buh,” said the late Zora Slabodnik, the president of the Ely chapter of the American Post-Corporeal Entity Union, or APCEU. “We’ll miss him here at the Ely Opera House, but he’s moved on, and we know he’s in a far better post-corporeal residence now. He did so much for us and for the people he ministered to that we’re throwing a celebration in his honor for the evening of Oct. 31. We’ve sent the Monsignor an invite. He replied, saying he’d be there. We’re confident he won’t ghost us.”
The APCEU represents the small but non-trivial population of post-corporeal humans in the Ely area. Given the declining number of old homes to haunt in Ely, many now reside at the old Bowling Alley on Camp Street, originally the Ely Opera House, or at the now-shuttered Tanner Hospital.
“Vlad, the original chef from the Vail Hotel, volunteered to do all the cooking, and we’ve invited all the ghosts from all the surrounding communities,” Slabodnik explained. “We were going to throw the party at the Ely Opera House, but given the anticipated attendance, we’ve moved it to the old city auditorium at the former Community Center on Harvey Street.
“We posted an event notice with the menu and the program on Faceboo. I know there are Ely ghosts who aren’t online yet, so let me outline what we’ve planned. After all, it’s not our intent to be cryptic. We’ve booked the Dead-on-their-Feet Polka Band for the dancing. We also arranged a performance by the Bootiful Ghouly Sisters Trio, who, as you know, are famous for their haunting melodies. The late Dr. Pattison will give the elegy in honor of Monsignor Buh.
“Vlad is pulling together a menu to die for, including his well-known scream puffs, boo-nanas foster, spookghetti, fettuccine afraid-o, terror-fried potatoes, ghouliflower in scream cheese sauce, Hungarian ghoulash, and boo-berry cheesecake for desert.
“I don’t want to spook anyone who might want to attend, but this isn’t some cheap peanut boo-ter and jelly picnic with ghoul-aid. This is a dress-up event. If you died without being buried in a funeral suit or gown, cover up your death attire with a proper shroud. This is a dignified celebration, and we expect the attendees to haunt the party in a grave manner. Remember, Monsignor Buh is a consecrated priest, and any misbehaving poltergeists may find themselves exorcised if they disrupt the program.
“Last, we do want everyone to come and attend. This is a big honor for Monsignor Buh, and it’s our last chance to celebrate his promotion in the afterlife. But please, if you’re sick, stay home, especially if you’re still coffin.”