Support the Timberjay by making a donation.

Serving Northern St. Louis County, Minnesota

Life’s accumulations a question of letting go

Posted

These days we hear a lot about how to deal with our “stuff”: how to declutter, downsize, organize and infuse our houses with space, order and beauty. At the least, to have clear pathways through our spaces so we can find the phone and the clothes we need to wear. At the other end of the orderly spectrum, a desire for aesthetic balance using the principles of feng shui (pronounced “fung schway”) to align the energy in the spaces where we spend time.

What is feng shui, anyway? With its roots in Chinese astronomy 7,000 years ago, it is a complex system of philosophical and mathematical reasoning to determine the flow of energy (aka qi or chi) within us and around us. It’s a practice based on the concept that our homes are a mirror of what’s happening inside us. Well, that’s kind of a no-brainer for me. When my life is overly busy with commitments and demands, my house looks like a tornado hit it, and not the white one.

However, the idea is to follow feng shui principles in choosing and arranging our belongings differently in our environments (homes, garages, cabins, workplaces, deer shacks and public places) to create the kind of harmonious energetic flow which will support us in living the lives we desire.

As I look around my house, a work in progress during the last fifteen years, I often feel at a loss about how to manage my stuff: what to toss, what to keep and how to organize it so I can find it when I need it. And the BIG question: how to overcome my resistance to letting go of a lot of stuff I really don’t need. Add to that my resistance to doing that tedious work on a beautiful day...well, you get the picture.

Reflecting back on when stuff became an issue in my life, I realized it really began when my mom died when I was 24 and I had to handle her estate. My brother lived in Dallas and wasn’t interested in taking much from the house. Six months later my husband and I bought my brother’s half-interest and moved into her house. Living in her house meant I was able to sort through her belongings and memories without being rushed; it also meant I didn’t have a deadline to clear out her stuff. I got to know her in ways I hadn’t while she was alive with plenty of time to grieve, surrounded by her belongings and her spirit. A grocery list in her handwriting would do me in and I had a hard time parting with any of her belongings. And so, the problem began. In later years,I realized that I was carrying the family home “attic” with me since both my parents had died by the time I was 31 and no one else was holding those memories for me.

I remember the two burly moving men, standing in my living room eight years later when I was moving to Chicago: “You don’t want us to move these big rocks, do ya’, lady?” Yes, absolutely I wanted them to move the beautiful rocks mom and I had each brought home from various places to grace our gardens and houses. They have moved with me three more times since then, now planted in my yard and living room.

I also know I’m in good company with a rather large percentage of the population, whether they admit they are pack-rats or call themselves collectors, investors or just thrifty savers. While the term “self storage” always brings a vision to my mind of a flash-frozen body being stored for some brighter future time; it is an industry capitalizing on our attachment to lots of stuff. It has been the fastest growing segment of the U.S. commercial real estate industry for 40 years and is considered recession-resistant by Wall Street analysts. Growing exponentially along with our human population, it took 25 years for the self storage industry to build its first billion square feet of space; the second billion was added in only eight years. (1998-2005).

Almost 10 percent of U.S. households rent a self storage unit equaling 27.5 BILLION square feet of rental space, the equivalent of 75 square miles or 3 times the size of Manhattan Island. The tax coffers have benefitted along with the entrepreneurs: $27.2 billion in revenues in 2014 generated $3.25 billion in local and state property taxes. (Statistics from www.selfstorage.org.)

So, why is it that some of us are pack rats who find it hard to let go of excessive stuff while others pitch with ease? The reasons for collecting are as varied as the types of things people amass: cookbooks, cars, political buttons, Star Trek memorabilia, barbed wire, Barbie dolls, Beanie Babies, National Geographics, mayonnaise jars, antique everything. People who have lived in poverty and through depressions learned to save and recycle anything useful.The newer mantra of Reuse/Recycle/ Take Care of the Planet may clear out some of those mayonnaise jars to the recycling centers but may also reinforce the hoarding.

Randy Frost, a psychologist at Smith College and author of Stuff, says that the tendency to hoard can increase with economic uncertainty. According to Psychology Today, hoarding may even have a genetic link or a psychological quirk due to emotionally distant parents. (www.psychologytoday.com.) However, I think for many people it’s just difficult to let go of things that are meaningful to their own history and identity. It’s a way of surrounding yourself with a bit of psychological or economic security, stating “this is who I am and no one can take it away from me.”

Once the decision is made to clear out some stuff, you have many options: donating to a non-profit organization, running local ads, selling online, having a garage sale or a giveaway. Elyfreestuff. com (formerly Elyfree cycle.com) is a local online group for finding or giving away stuff which a lot of people have used to avoid accumulation.

I spoke with Shirley, a local woman who had cleared out two family homes full to the brim with decades of belongings, giving her plenty of practice in letting go of stuff. She is currently living in the family homestead built in 1905 and chock full of stuff collected over 110 years. She said she wants to declutter so her kids won’t have to do it for her. She had to work through some feelings of guilt about whether she was honoring her great-grandparents’ treasures and her Finnish heritage appropriately but she remembered her mom saying, “Sell anything you have to if you need it to pay the taxes or keep the farm.” She realized they were practical people who did what was necessary and that it also made sense for people to be enjoying those family heirlooms. Among other things, she distributed a cedar chest full of hand-embroidered linens with the admonition, “Use them! Don’t store them away.”

Shirley decided to try Do-bid.com, a service run by Oberfoell Auctioneers which has a display space in Ely and other locations on the Range if people want to bring in their items. She preferred them to come to her home where they inventoried and photographed the items to be auctioned online to the 19,000 registered bidders. Sellers also use e-Bay, Craigslist and other online services; for those who dislike handling all the details, there are local entrepreneurs who will do the selling for you for a commission.

I have been avoiding garage sales (mostly) and successfully donating, selling and giving away some of my stash, wanting to retain those favorites that bring beauty, functionality and warm memories to my home. I still have to deal with that amazing resistance to letting go. I value recycling, reusing, simplicity and generosity, so I remind myself that other people could be making good use of my excess stuff, that hanging on is a selfish act, and so the generous thing to do is to LET IT GO! But nobody’s going to get those rocks.